in searching for more on Fierce Conversations, I came across notes about a talk that Susan Scott gave at Microsoft Research, in April 2002 -- she gives the essence of her ideas and some very clear pointers (to inspire and challenge us in our conversations)!! I find some points for having conversations that are particularly valuable in the conversations we can have about the times of transition we are in.
(see this link or read more below)
Susan talked about her experiences that she has put into a book called 'Fierce Conversations'. She was a great and engaging speaker, and here is a brief summary of her talk.
"A fierce conversation is not me telling you what I think. A fierce conversation is one that is passionate, effective, direct, thought provoking, intense, powerful, robust, untamed, unbridled." A fierce conversation is a memorable one, that challenges ideas and builds relationships.
3 big ideas:
* Our lives succeed, or fail, one conversation at a time
* The conversation is the relationship
* All conversations are with, and sometimes they involve, other people
When people say 'don't take this personally' what do they really mean? Of course we are going to take it personally, otherwise what's the point? If you need to have a difficult conversation, (e.g. one that makes you worried enough to start with 'don't take this personally') the first 60 seconds are crucial.
1. Name the issue (and keep it to one! Shame on you if there's more than one issue been left too long to fix)
2. Give one specific example to illustrate the issue
3. Confess your emotion - shows that you are involved/affected by this issue and hence need to resolve it
4. Say what you feel is at stake - honestly, no matter how difficult. It gets attention
5. Confess what part has your DNA on it - what you contributed (or didn't) to create this issue
6. Say "I want to resolve this with you" - shows you want to move forward together, not point fingers of blame
7. Invite the person to give their take on the situation - and shut up! Don't defend or argue, just listen.
Tips on what not to do...
* Avoid the 'sugar coated spitball' approach where you are supposed to start with something nice before delivering the bad news. People will start putting on the armour whenever you start a conversation with something nice... Nice things should be part of every day conversations, not saved up for when you need to deliver some bad news! Are you paying a sincere compliment, or doing textbook 'good news - bad news'?
* Don't put pillows around the message to avoid hurting feelings (including your own). You can't avoid emotions so keep them open and the conversation honest
* And the opposite to the pillows - don't walk into a room, pull the pin, throw the grenade and exit without pausing to witness the carnage caused. Take responsibility for the emotional wake you leave. (Emotional wake is covered in much more detail in the book, this talk focused on the first 60 seconds)
"Fierce conversations take us to a place where we are moved to act."
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Fierce Conversations
[from an email Micheal Mallows sent to me in 2007] - the principles of Fierce Conversation, and what he said about them then still inspire me
++++
Susan Scott's book Fierce Conversations, expresses some very interesting principles and ideas about the importance of conversation, not least: "The conversation is the relationship".
The substance of our discussions, and the way that we engage with each other, define our current relationship, and, unless we commit to thinking, feeling and doing something different, our future relationship is fairly predictable!
If our conversations are superficial, so is the relationship; conversely, if the conversation is real and meaningful, then so too is the relationship.
"Fierce conversations" are not threatening, cruel or mean. Rather, a fierce conversation is dialogue that is intense, passionate, and uncurbed. It is a conversation that is "real", and which at all times interrogates reality.
For most of us, fierce conversations are not easy. They require us to take responsibility and to take risks. We need to ask the hard questions - of others, yes, but also of ourselves. We need to acknowledge that we don't know everything, and that we need to involve others if we are going to find meaningful answers to our most complex issues. Fierce conversations are absolutely necessary. Unreal conversations are the ones that end up being the most expensive to us in our personal and professional relationships because we squander time, money and energy hiding behind the barriers and illusions that we create.
If we are willing, we can dismantle those barriers by applying the
Seven Principles of Fierce Conversations
Here are the seven principles (and, below, their effects)
* Master the Courage to Interrogate Reality
* Come Out From Behind Yourself, Into the Conversation, and Make It Real
* Be Here, Prepared to Be Nowhere Else
* Tackle Your Toughest Challenge Today
* Obey Your Instincts
* Take Responsibility For Your Emotional Wake
* Let Silence Do the Heavy Lifting
That can be scary because expose ourselves to the possibility that
* We will be Understood instead of merely interpreted
* Our expectations will be Clear to others
* We will be Free of hidden agendas
* We will consistently get to Ground Truths
* We will Change our World
++++
Susan Scott's book Fierce Conversations, expresses some very interesting principles and ideas about the importance of conversation, not least: "The conversation is the relationship".
The substance of our discussions, and the way that we engage with each other, define our current relationship, and, unless we commit to thinking, feeling and doing something different, our future relationship is fairly predictable!
If our conversations are superficial, so is the relationship; conversely, if the conversation is real and meaningful, then so too is the relationship.
"Fierce conversations" are not threatening, cruel or mean. Rather, a fierce conversation is dialogue that is intense, passionate, and uncurbed. It is a conversation that is "real", and which at all times interrogates reality.
For most of us, fierce conversations are not easy. They require us to take responsibility and to take risks. We need to ask the hard questions - of others, yes, but also of ourselves. We need to acknowledge that we don't know everything, and that we need to involve others if we are going to find meaningful answers to our most complex issues. Fierce conversations are absolutely necessary. Unreal conversations are the ones that end up being the most expensive to us in our personal and professional relationships because we squander time, money and energy hiding behind the barriers and illusions that we create.
If we are willing, we can dismantle those barriers by applying the
Seven Principles of Fierce Conversations
Here are the seven principles (and, below, their effects)
* Master the Courage to Interrogate Reality
* Come Out From Behind Yourself, Into the Conversation, and Make It Real
* Be Here, Prepared to Be Nowhere Else
* Tackle Your Toughest Challenge Today
* Obey Your Instincts
* Take Responsibility For Your Emotional Wake
* Let Silence Do the Heavy Lifting
That can be scary because expose ourselves to the possibility that
* We will be Understood instead of merely interpreted
* Our expectations will be Clear to others
* We will be Free of hidden agendas
* We will consistently get to Ground Truths
* We will Change our World
2008-12: Listen louder, damn it! | Future Navigator
2008-12: Listen louder, damn it! | Future Navigator
There's a lot about the folks at Future Navigator that I Like. When I met them at a day on Leadership at Exeter University I was very inspired by what they do and stand for. Here, in this link, are some ideas that I find particularly inspiring.
In terms of what they are doing in the community, I remember being very touched by the story of how they transformed a Care Home into a place that sounded like you would actually want to go there ( the residents did, and so did the staff...!!) great they used their leadership and problem solving and visioning skills to make this happen.
They've also been engaged with people in some cities, looking at change that is happening and working with local leaders and services to find heart based response to questions like 'what are we going to do when the fighting breaks out' [over lack of resources, and too many people]
There's a lot about the folks at Future Navigator that I Like. When I met them at a day on Leadership at Exeter University I was very inspired by what they do and stand for. Here, in this link, are some ideas that I find particularly inspiring.
In terms of what they are doing in the community, I remember being very touched by the story of how they transformed a Care Home into a place that sounded like you would actually want to go there ( the residents did, and so did the staff...!!) great they used their leadership and problem solving and visioning skills to make this happen.
They've also been engaged with people in some cities, looking at change that is happening and working with local leaders and services to find heart based response to questions like 'what are we going to do when the fighting breaks out' [over lack of resources, and too many people]
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Joanna Macy : Work that Reconnects
Video of Joanna Macy teaching her work: Turn Toward Life TV -- Eco-Spirituality on the Web
Many people have found and are finding a lot of support in Joanna Macy's Work that Reconnects. Here is a series of videos that gives the basis of here work
Many people have found and are finding a lot of support in Joanna Macy's Work that Reconnects. Here is a series of videos that gives the basis of here work
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Strogatz book "Sync"
Strogatz book "Sync"
After facilitating a Moving Sound workshop at a Conference in Glastonbury, I was yet again struck by that moment which so often happens when, seemingly out of nowhere, and a place of chaos everything seems to connect up. In a walk around the town later that evening David Grove mentioned the book 'Sync' - here's info about that book and way of thinking.
After facilitating a Moving Sound workshop at a Conference in Glastonbury, I was yet again struck by that moment which so often happens when, seemingly out of nowhere, and a place of chaos everything seems to connect up. In a walk around the town later that evening David Grove mentioned the book 'Sync' - here's info about that book and way of thinking.
Chris Johnstone - Writing
Chris Johnstone - Writing
Looks like there are some really great articles for working with global issues and some of the strain and challenges ( burnout even) that can come up.
Looks like there are some really great articles for working with global issues and some of the strain and challenges ( burnout even) that can come up.
http://www.earth-circles.org/content/
http://www.earth-circles.org/content/
this looks like a very beautiful and powerful model to be with and work with the times we are living in.
this looks like a very beautiful and powerful model to be with and work with the times we are living in.
Creative Community Devon
Creative Community Devon
In Devon, here in SW England, we have created a an online Creative Community using a Ning. It's becoming a great way to connect with, support, and be supported by other like minded people in our community; in these times of transition this is likely to become increasingly important.
In Devon, here in SW England, we have created a an online Creative Community using a Ning. It's becoming a great way to connect with, support, and be supported by other like minded people in our community; in these times of transition this is likely to become increasingly important.
Shame on Richard Lindzen, MIT’s uber-hypocritical anti-scientific scientist « Climate Progress
Shame on Richard Lindzen, MIT’s uber-hypocritical anti-scientific scientist « Climate Progress
and some more reading that gives some factual info and links
and some more reading that gives some factual info and links
RealClimate: Lindzen in Newsweek
RealClimate: Lindzen in Newsweek
given the BBC 'debate' with the things Lindzen was saying, this is important reading
given the BBC 'debate' with the things Lindzen was saying, this is important reading
Thursday, December 17, 2009
dissapearing and re-emerging, kind of
been looking at a lot of the climate change Copenhagen thing today, ( and VERY touched by much of that... -- went on the Wave March in London last week, adn over 15M signing the Avaaz pledge .. And, with all that... still in a kind of 'altered' state from the accident... motivation not so high (motivation to continue as I have been.. as I was... January looking fuller and fuller, and accounts to do, and my Job at the Charity ending, in March, or soon after.
done a couple of Biosynthesis therapy sessions in the last couple of weeks. fundamental patterning and resourcing taking place ... learning how to breath .. . catching a habit of not breathing... and discovering how it is to push against something whilst breathing in... or rather breath in whilst pushing against something and to breath, continue to breath.. and.. as there is much 'in the field' and 'coming towards me' it is really interesting to feel how it is so different to breathe in amongst this... rather than the stopping, and spinning in my head thinking. a filling and meeting.... - interesting to practice that in the 5rhythms dance last night. feeling it deeper. feeling all life, and myself .. wow
done a couple of Biosynthesis therapy sessions in the last couple of weeks. fundamental patterning and resourcing taking place ... learning how to breath .. . catching a habit of not breathing... and discovering how it is to push against something whilst breathing in... or rather breath in whilst pushing against something and to breath, continue to breath.. and.. as there is much 'in the field' and 'coming towards me' it is really interesting to feel how it is so different to breathe in amongst this... rather than the stopping, and spinning in my head thinking. a filling and meeting.... - interesting to practice that in the 5rhythms dance last night. feeling it deeper. feeling all life, and myself .. wow
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Breakthrough Learning in a Digital Age - Geoff Canada
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcr3X6jgYsk&feature=channel
times of Transition that we live in. Digital divide ... who do we include who do we exclude ... how do we do that... a talk at Goolge...
"Geoff Canada, of the Harlem Children's Zone talks about the danger of allowing technology to widen the gap between rich kids and poor kids and our responsiblity to ensure that this does not happen. "
times of Transition that we live in. Digital divide ... who do we include who do we exclude ... how do we do that... a talk at Goolge...
"Geoff Canada, of the Harlem Children's Zone talks about the danger of allowing technology to widen the gap between rich kids and poor kids and our responsiblity to ensure that this does not happen. "
Friday, September 18, 2009
The Intuitive Body: Discovering the Wisdom of Conscious Embodiment and Aikido
this week I went to a workshop on Intuitive Leadership, based on the work of Wendy Palmer. Here's a link to her book.
It's inspiring work
It's inspiring work
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Get Instant Downloads in firefox and Vista
Get Instant Downloads: Right-click the navigation toolbar (above the address bar) and select customize. This will bring up a box containing icons. Drag and drop the downloads icon to the toolbar. Now whenever you want to download something simply drag the link to the button to begin.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Dance Within The Always
I rest now in the
Peace and the Knowing of love
which flows through me
nourishing and fulsome
flowing into the world
Love Joy, & Compassion
Healing all hurt, washing.
away all Pain
Bathing in love, accepting
Life as it is and
step by step shaping.
the future within the
shifting and changing bodies
off my Physical Form, and this Planet.
opening & closing -- this -- life
held within the always of
Love, Golden
Light
which fills and surrounds
all there is
I dance within the always
as I move thru my
days and the tumbling
and turning of the
Waves of emotions and
building and releasing of
ideas and actions of
shape and form.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Standing on the Earth
Standing on this earth
I connect with
all that is.
It is a pleasure, honour
and my reason for being
to share the gifts
of who I am
In every moment.
Life, power of existence
pulsing through my veins
Every cell, atom, particle
of this body.
Dancing
I live, move breathe
and resonate with
this awesome energy
of Life
Power passion and purpose
guide my Life
I rest, easy in my skin
grateful for who I am.
breathing life in to
thru & from me
in each & every moment.
The divine dance delights.
Waves of love & light
wash over, through and
radiate from me
Divine dance divine
beyond all thoughts
it simply is.
This
Knowing
this knowing this, knowing this
knowing this
Here I am
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Welcome
On the right there are links to take you what I've been inquiring into (Latest postings are in the Archive section, below that are Categories, there are also links to my website.)A selection of writings from my morning pages are now in the Category 'Loving Thoughts' in this Blog; previous posts can be seen at my old blog Loving Thoughts
I'm particularly looking forward to sharing more Moving Sound, Music and Sound Coaching.
I'm also excited that I can now share sound clips of some of what I have been playing and recording. ( in the music section). There are also some sketches from some of my experiments in the Music Studio Music Studio Sketches section).
love and blessings
~
Christoffer
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Transitions - Holy Island blog
Transitions - Holy Island blog
not only do I love Holy Island but am also very much inspired by the Transition movement we are in. - on this blog posting is one of the clearest diagrams of the whole transition thing.
Type rest of the post here
not only do I love Holy Island but am also very much inspired by the Transition movement we are in. - on this blog posting is one of the clearest diagrams of the whole transition thing.
Type rest of the post here
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