aware of my own death and preciousness of life

As I wake this morning I have such a strong awareness of the reality of my death, and such a sense of the preciousness of life.

The last two days - Ceremonies for Rebecca

The last two days with Rebecca's Cremation and the ceremony to plant a tree and scatter her ashes have been TOTALLY amazing. There has been an outpouring of SOOOo much love from so many people, which has really helped hold the indescribable grief. The ceremonies we did were VERY extraordinary .. I'll share more at a later date about what happened ... it was very beautiful, amazing blessings form it.

Right now I feel held, tired, grateful, numb and . .. trusting. *Much* more that could be said and shared - and for now, I focus on preparing to to go London next week to do an 'Opening Ceremony', using sound to open and hold the International Conference on Organisations and Spirituality.

the 5 Rhythms Dance supporting transformation of grief

Since my sister Rebecca decided two weeks ago she could no longer stay on this planet, and took her life. I have been thrown into experiencing and exploring grief and extraordinariness of a wild and profound unknown place. I'm SOOooo very grateful for the support of the dance, for the skilful aware and compassionate teachers you have trained and the amazing global dancing tribe there is now in the world; I feel the power passion and love of that.

There is SOOOooo much love in this world .. so much pain ... I'm SO grateful to be able to explore, what is, through the dance. . . with my body, with my voice .. beyond the words ... touching a place of complete knowing, dropping into the space between the frames of the film of what seems to be this life ... sensing other places, extraordinary beauty, extraordinary pain ... WHAT a MYSTERY.

3 days after Rebecca took her life I went to Jo Hardy's class class here in Totnes in Devon, - - the sound system 'packed up' in chaos .(!!) .. so we 'silently' . . . with just (!) our voices and breath and rhythm of the feet went thru the 'end' of chaos . .. my heart broke .. broke open ... I collapsed to the floor ... the power of life moving through me.. transforming me ... releasing the trauma of from the cells of my body ....from having seen my sister Rebecca still with the face of agony and with the rope around her neck. I was guided out of chaos ... softening, moving softening ... as I emerged there was someone to great me fully powerfully present .... eyes of love and compassion - since that moment the flashbacks are no longer there, and I no longer feel the rope around my neck. AM SO grateful for that journey and transformation.

On Tuesday night after the Cremation, my family gathered here in my Studio Barn, with Fanny Behrans to dance. It was JUST extraordinary. ..... my parents, in their 70's my two younger sisters, my brother in law and 2 nieces one just 9 years old ... and my ex wife(!) We danced, and danced and cried and shook and screamed and listened and witnessed ... SUCH a blessing.

On Wednesday after a ritual to plant a tree and scatter the ashes I danced with Susannah DK and our local tribe here on Wednesday in Devon, UK . . . held, held held and loved ( and feared!).... At the end of the evening I played my sisters bamboo flute ..(seems I now play flute as well as viola!) .. a beautiful playful energy, Rebecca's, came in to the space. .... we then sat in circle and I shook and shook .. silently .. then a wail came from me like I've never experienced ... w o w. . . .. what a blessing to move and be moved.

for 5R dance classes near you in the UK see http://www.5rhythmsuk.com/ for other places globally go to http://www.ravenrecording.com/

Rumi's wisdom on resistance and acceptance, joy and pain

Pain exists only in resistance

Joy exists only in acceptance

Painful situations which you heartily accept become joyful

Joyful situations which you do not accept become painful

There is no such thing as a bad experience

Bad experiences are simply the creations of your

Resistance to what is

Grief from Rebecca's suicide

It's as if my life has been knocked sideways - what has taken place with and as a result of Rebecca hanging herself is indescribable. I'm sure at some point there will be some extraordinary gifts from all this . . . probably have been and are already. Maybe I'll write more about this at some point.

Rebecca took her life

how extraordinary this life. Today my sister Rebecca finally stopped her struggle with life and . . .



As I was writing my Blog this morning Vision, Taking part in 'Be The Change', inklings of the great transformation http://christofferdegraal.blogspot.com/2005/05/vision-taking-part-in-be-change.html that is when she was hanging herself

Vision, Taking part in 'Be The Change', inklings of the great transformation

I've been clearing out some old boxes of papers and found this quote:

" A person who has a vision is not able to use the power of it until after they have performed the vision for the people to see"

Black Elk


How SO very right he is - I really experienced that last week when did an Opening Ceremony(tm) at the Be the Change conference. www.bethechange.org.uk The energy and power of stepping up and doing that was, IS awesome! What I did felt very powerful, and exciting-scary . . . ALIVE!

It was nearly 2 years since the vision of doing this kind of thing arrived. It was during a weekend Personal Journey I was running with a small group here in my Studio Barn, I start to understand what he is talking about. I'd Playing the drum to open the conference, then the Balinese priest bell in a walking mediation to call people back after the breaks and and it.

(Many thanks to Gabriella http://www.claravia.com/ Ursula http://www.create-space.co.uk Kat http://www.authenticpr.co.uk Sue http://www.relaxingthemind.com and Hazel-Anne http://www.lifesparkle.co.uk/ for being part of this particular part of the birthing process!)

Currently if feels like my life is being radically reshaped, and what I *thought* were the goals and directions are not quite so sure!?! Moment by moment, day by day, I sense this reshaping and all is not what I thought . . I sense this being true for me, but but not only me .. It also seems it is so for many other people and this planet .. . . probably larger too . . . . glimpses of the inklings of the great transformation that is to come are now being felt ... a *very* powerful shift is currently taking place.


~
CdG


PS as I was writing this my sister Rebecca decided to take her life http://christofferdegraal.blogspot.com/2005/05/rebecca-took-her-life.html

Time to write

On and off I've had ideas that it I'd like to share. now's the time to start!
~
CdG