Tue 31 July
Such peace, here in the forest. Yet not ‘here’, it's simply here that has the peace. still today, hardly a breath of wind. The sound of the stream carries all other sounds held by the wash of the ever changing bath of sound. Leaves fall, sudden rustle of sound. IN the canopy of the trees a whole life of birds exists.
As I sat, suddenly or so it seemed, I felt the trees breathe. Is it that I sat here long enough or did something else shift and change. On other days it does not happen so .
How much, is this, connected with again playing and recording for several hours last night; certainly it feeds me. As too another step or too of less things waiting there for me to do, in a minute way the incompletes less.
IT is SO still here, different leaves dance and glisten in the sun. Even with a car cutting thru the 'silence', still it is peaceful - how extraordinary. In this, noticing this, in this moment I feel such gratitude.
sound of plane comes, distant at first, now blocking out almost all the other sounds, I feel the tension rise, not wanting the sound. resistance coming in my body. The plane recedes, the forest sounds rise again.
Then there is that tree rat, squirrel, it strips away all the young green hazelnuts. what to do about it? a few years ago they were al poisoned and the trees not stripped, young trees barked and started to die.
raven calls, raw resonant 'barking', wings beating. so many and so rich the sound s, ad the responses and interpretations.
Yesterday, too , I got my impatience. simply not finding something where I would like it to be and then a struggle , judgment and a frustration. it's SO extraordinary the energy that that takes, the energy that that has. maybe, getting it that is now less present. Maybe it will come again, maybe it wont'; unlikely i recon, yet I could be proved wrong. anything is possible.
I start now to feel some restlessness; time to move on for breakfast --
I LOVE THE sound of the raven. . .how so very VERY gorgeous.
PAUSE.
the forest continues to breath.
now I will go and have breakfast, raven echoes again. . SO wondrous.
++
AS I prepare to leave, I have SUCH gratitude, I wish others could also have this, those that don’t . . I sense this .. . this love a gratitude compassion flowing thru me. flowing thru the universe, thru existence.
Sound of jet plane high up cuts thru. This ’gratitude' dissolves.. some. it is difficult to feel the judgment and pain. how to be with all this. this tooo will pass. the other will come again. always the other, the breathing forest , gratitude, love compassion is there. .. thank god . .!
I'd like to 'thank god' for it all. The pain and all that is less easy to accept. I drop into a subtle rage, resentment, judgment. ohhh how can this be . . when I feel also SUCH joy, joy at the heart of existence. sometimes, ashamedly, that to is an escaping.
I sense in the noticing of that the tone of shame, guilt, fear, resentment. . what place these? whatever .. . it is . . .they arise, and like waves, storms seasons lifetimes, their pattern moves thru. all existence. is swirling patterns of life changing. forming and reforming. this is the soup, the sea in which i live. portraying this, getting this, understanding and not understanding. --- NOW it is for breakfast!
++
as i stand up a see a dear about 20 meters way. IT comes towards me, beauty of free motion, dappled in the sun light filtering thru the trees. it continues, gently grazing walking towards me thru the trees. still it has not seen me. It is SO different than the fear of the sacred dear of yesterday.
I stand completely still. it continues on barely 10meters now. I sense still an ease in my body. I look with peripheral vision. -- then, something shifts. I turn my attention again more towards the dear, it stands still, immobile, I sense some fear coming thru my body. . body tense. . I send a wish of love, appreciation. . . I breathe deeper soften ..
a car comes one side, a lorry on the other the dear is held by these iron mechanical sounds. I get it’s fear not mine, yet also feel the response in me. The sounds recede. it softens. . I continue to stand completely still. then, bit by bit, step by step it moves away, at ease again.
this being with this dear, and the sounds and the changing potent arising of the in the moment. . -- such a gift, such a lesson form the forest.
*now* is time for breakfast!!
standing completely still for 5minuties. . . life potent present , all there is in this moment of me and the dear its moving my stillness, breathing and the sights sound colors and movements.
++
rich blue against green, cloudless sky, beating wings of brown butterfly on still dewed grass, glistening drops of water and bright pink flowers. how extraordinary rich all this is. such gratitude to experience and appreciate all this.
++ now i am ready to eat breakfast and move on thru the day. I wonder, how this will continue, this magic of the day, this day, this existence.
