This is now the 3rd day where I now have more of a positive sense of life; several days in a row that I've felt this way - what a relief. It's not that anything's changed really - Bec is still dead - It's just that ... now I'm settling into accepting and getting to know, even make friends with the still sudden and unexpected up welling of emotions. --- driving along in the car, or doing some other day to day thing like washing the dishes and all of a sudden, as if form nowhere, an up welling of emotion and the tears flow. . . The difference now is that I seem to start to be able to just be with it and know that it will pass (though when it comes it's pretty total).
I have a sense that this may well continue that way, perhaps even for the rest of my life, and it's actually *really* ok that it's that way. What's starting to shift is that I have the sense of knowing this place more and being able to 'hold' it.
As my friend Jes said with/from the wizard doll "be so very gentle with yourself" ... whew .. now THAT's a big lesson that I start to understand a bit more now, and needed to know more of for years - thanks Bec for the gifting of that.
