Though the daily grief and other painful places have stopped in connection with Bec's suicide, I'm finding that it's important for me to continue to allow all the parts and stages of the grieving process, and am learning more to accept it's own timing. It seems to go in stages and I'm now noticing bigger and longer 'waves' over time of emotions.
I continue to find that, as well as acceptance and the bigger picture, sometimes something arises in me or is triggered by something I see or hear that brings up feelings of anger, blame and guilt - though less frequent, the power of them is sometimes still shocking; I continue to find it important to allow those to be there - when they are .. because that is what is there .. when it is ! (if you know what I mean !!?!)
I remember one day last year when a dear friend of mine Carmella went through something VERY grief filled in relation to her Son's death *many* years before ... It was triggered by a passing comment, seemingly nothing , (could have been nothing ) but touched her on a deep level, triggered something very deep . . . she howled very deeply ... and something that had been buried was release after many MANY years. - Whilst not wanting to search for or create those painful places, I pray that I have the courage and wisdom to notice and allow them to be there when they are. Somehow I trust that it may seem as if I do not have the choice (and that's the choice I'm making in relation to that process).
To find out more about Carmella and her extraordinary work go to www.mourninghasbroken.co.uk
