[from an email Micheal Mallows sent to me in 2007] - the principles of Fierce Conversation, and what he said about them then still inspire me
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Susan Scott's book Fierce Conversations, expresses some very interesting principles and ideas about the importance of conversation, not least: "The conversation is the relationship".
The substance of our discussions, and the way that we engage with each other, define our current relationship, and, unless we commit to thinking, feeling and doing something different, our future relationship is fairly predictable!
If our conversations are superficial, so is the relationship; conversely, if the conversation is real and meaningful, then so too is the relationship.
"Fierce conversations" are not threatening, cruel or mean. Rather, a fierce conversation is dialogue that is intense, passionate, and uncurbed. It is a conversation that is "real", and which at all times interrogates reality.
For most of us, fierce conversations are not easy. They require us to take responsibility and to take risks. We need to ask the hard questions - of others, yes, but also of ourselves. We need to acknowledge that we don't know everything, and that we need to involve others if we are going to find meaningful answers to our most complex issues. Fierce conversations are absolutely necessary. Unreal conversations are the ones that end up being the most expensive to us in our personal and professional relationships because we squander time, money and energy hiding behind the barriers and illusions that we create.
If we are willing, we can dismantle those barriers by applying the
Seven Principles of Fierce Conversations
Here are the seven principles (and, below, their effects)
* Master the Courage to Interrogate Reality
* Come Out From Behind Yourself, Into the Conversation, and Make It Real
* Be Here, Prepared to Be Nowhere Else
* Tackle Your Toughest Challenge Today
* Obey Your Instincts
* Take Responsibility For Your Emotional Wake
* Let Silence Do the Heavy Lifting
That can be scary because expose ourselves to the possibility that
* We will be Understood instead of merely interpreted
* Our expectations will be Clear to others
* We will be Free of hidden agendas
* We will consistently get to Ground Truths
* We will Change our World
